Wednesday, September 01, 2004

IKEA, Biblical History, and a Fucked Up Email Conversation

this is an email conversation I had with a good friend of mine this morning. She sends me funny news items that she thinks are right up my alley. She's like my own personal Fark.com This one was pretty entertaining.
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-----Original Message-----
From: Rhonda [mailto:xxxxxxxx@xxxxxxx.xxx]
Sent: Wednesday, September 01, 2004 10:31 AM
To: Parker, Nils A.
Subject: IKEA news

Hundreds of shoppers drawn by a discount offer rushed into an IKEA branch in western Saudi Arabia on Wednesday, causing a stampede that killed three and injured 17, security officials said. A Saudi and a Pakistani were among those killed, the officials said. The nationality of the third person killed was not given. After furniture giant IKEA's branch in the Red Sea port city of Jiddah announced that it was offering credit vouchers to the first 250 clients Wednesday, some shoppers camped outside Tuesday night. Once the doors opened, the crowd surged forward, causing the stampede. Ameen Jamal, a senior executive for IKEA Saudi Arabia, said more than 8,000 people had gathered outside the store before the opening. He didn't have other details

-----Original Message-----
From: Parker, Nils A. [mailto:xxxxxxxxx@xxxxxxxx.xxx]
Sent: Wednesday, September 01, 2004 10:32 AM
To: Rhonda
Subject: RE: IKEA news

can ragheads not count? You'd figure if the ad mentioned the first 250 people once the line got to...oh, I don't know...THREE THOUSAND!!!...you might just pack up your flying carpet, tighten your turban, saddle up the camel and go home.

-----Original Message-----
From: Rhonda [mailto:xxxxxxxx@xxxxxxx.xxx]
Sent: Wednesday, September 01, 2004 10:35 AM
To: Parker, Nils A.
Subject: RE: IKEA news

What can I say? Particle board makes people do crazy things…
-----Original Message-----
From: Parker, Nils A. [mailto: xxxxxxxxx@xxxxxxxx.xxx]
Sent: Wednesday, September 01, 2004 10:35 AM
To: Rhonda
Subject: RE: IKEA news

it's probably just that IKEA has a whole line of furniture products the color of desert sand. I'm pretty sure that's why the Jews wandered the desert for 40 years...looking for queen-sized sleigh beds with a birch finish.

-----Original Message-----
From: Rhonda [mailto:xxxxxxxx@xxxxxxx.xxx]
Sent: Wednesday, September 01, 2004 10:39 AM
To: Parker, Nils A.
Subject: RE: IKEA news

And who can blame them? Faux wood, an allen wrench, and cardboard backing – what more can a tribesman need?

-----Original Message-----
From: Parker, Nils A. [mailto: xxxxxxxxx@xxxxxxxx.xxx]
Sent: Wednesday, September 01, 2004 10:39 AM
To: Rhonda
Subject: RE: IKEA news

jihad?



...some assembly required



7 Comments:

Anonymous Anonymous said...

I didn't know Emeryville had oil

September 1, 2004 at 1:11 PM  
Blogger MM said...

I just read your blog for the first time. I think you are both funny and intelligent and those are two traits that don't often coincide. However, your post about your family hit close to home and now I see you have balls as well. My dad cheated on my mom, and she spent a year in the hospital afterwards - after suffering from a nervous breakdown. Thank you for combining so many human qualities into one person.

September 1, 2004 at 4:01 PM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

Um, most people who are funny are pretty intelligent, wtf?

September 1, 2004 at 4:21 PM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

Is it still considered camping if you live outside? I think that's more like spending the night at a friends house!

September 1, 2004 at 4:51 PM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

Shoot yourself immediately.

September 1, 2004 at 10:01 PM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

INT. People are gathering at the IKEA. Men and women are parking their respective camels. A few arguments break out over optimal sites. Camels grunt. A few Shiekhs walk out of their tents. People rush toward the doors where already a crowd has established itself. All of a sudden the men and women sound their battle cries as a minute remains for the doors to open.

BURKHA COVERED WOMEN
LILILILILILILILILILILI !!!!!

WHITE ROBED MEN
ALLAH HU AKBARRRR!!!

IKEA employees in the store look on with horror
SHIT!

MANAGER
Get the RPG's, we may need to clear a few lanes!

CAMELS
*Grunt*

September 1, 2004 at 11:01 PM  
Blogger Malt said...

annonymous, make your own blog, now

September 1, 2004 at 11:30 PM  

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